I am not really back... but sometimes I just get this urge to write and this is the only venting channel available to me, so there...
Well, I was reading Memsaab's blog and was really inspired by a non-Indian's sweet and funny take on Indian movies. And since I am watching Mr. India while I am writing, its bringing out all the good stuff in me!
What's the worst Indian movie? Well, there are a lot, like any other movie industry (yes, Hollywood, I will eventually attack you too). Right now, the first name that popped in my mind is - "Jaani Dushman: Ek Anokhi Kahani".
Well, what do I write about it? A bag-full of average
and above-average actors (not counting Sonu Nigam, he IS NOT an actor) doesn't necessarily make a good movie. It actually helps if there is a story...most of the time. Bollywood always had a tendency to take inspirations from Hollywood movies. And people don't complain if they can pull it off, even at least 50% of the actual stuff. But... dear God... Jaani Dushman takes exact scenes from Terminator 2, Matrix, Nightmare On Elm Street... and doesn't even bother to add believable computer graphics... just lets completely different stories and copied action sequences and pointless songs, to just mesh among each other - effectively turning it into an emulsion!The basic story is somewhat like this - centuries ago Manisha Koirala was a shape-shifting snake (isn't she still one?) along with her soulmate Armaan Kohli. They loved each other very much and boy, did they love to dance! But Amrish Puri, an extremely old and powerful human saint, who was busy in meditation, went angry when the snake couple danced on the roof above his head. Well, duh, anybody would! Anyway, Amrish Puri curses Manisha to die on sunset leaving Armaan alone for the rest of his life. They beg for mercy and Amrish, who is a softy as we all know, graciously lets Armaan live inside a tree for next hundred/thousand (who cares) years while waiting for Manisha to be re-born. He also lets him generate inexplicable powers to face his foes in the new era.
Well, the new era is really bad! Manisha is now in college (yes she looks very young!), along with her variable-age friend-group, a stubborn atheist Akshay Kumar, an always angry Suniel Shetty, a poor romeo Aftab Shivdasani, a rich brat Aditya Pancholi, a huge stock of jokes Arshad Warsi, Sharad Kapoor, Rambha and a lot of indistinguishable girls as their respective love interests. (Oh, I forgot Sonu Nigam... how could I??) . Well, Sonu is special in this story, since he doesn't have a love interest (Hehe..you deserved it!!!) and is the younger step-brother of limitlessly strong Sunny Deol, who is the fiance of Manisha. There are also Rajat Bedi & Sidhharth Ray, who though in the same friend group, but are always looking for ways to rape Manisha. Yes, they have beautiful ambitions... young people, I tell you!!!
When Sunny is away in a business trip, Armaan appears and reminds Manisha of her snake life. But she is confused. Meanwhile, her friends plan for a picnic and the two potential rapists trick her by mimicking everybody's voice to invite her 1 hour earlier than everybody else. She arrives there, where they fulfill their dreams and Manisha commits a suicide, believing all of her friends betrayed her. Armaan vows revenge on everybody and starts killing them one by one, giving the director opportunities to steal action scenes.
Well, that's pretty much it. People keep dying and singing songs and dying... until Sonu is the last one. Sunny comes back and kicks butt in Arnold style and a happy ending follows, well at least for the people who are still alive.
I cannot imagine how ashamed and embarrassed would actors like Akshay kumar, Sunny Deol have felt after watching the movie themselves! Well, maybe not, because they seem to have been making similarly tasteless movies in recent times anyway.
Anyway, I still dare you to watch this ... at a stretch ... without break!! Let me know if you did!
I will continue next posts with a few other such terrible movies! Until then...
